Nightmare Fuel

Books that have greatly disturbed me

Sep 25, 2024

Well, it’s officially fall and almost October, which means it’s basically almost Halloween. My neighborhood has been prematurely decorated for Halloween since the end of August, which is so early that I’ve found myself wondering when these people are going to take their decorations down, only to realize the occasion for said decorations hasn’t occurred yet. Something about animatronic witches guarding doorsteps and ghosts swaying from mailboxes just doesn’t hit as hard in 85-degree late summer heat.

Regardless, the lure of Terror™️ is persistent this time of year, and I love to be horrified. Obviously, my preferred method of consuming nightmare fuel is via books. Not so much of the dime store true-crime, occult, or spooky undead variety. Instead, I want human horror, stuff that feels like it could really happen. I crave the kind of book that will haunt me long after I’ve read it, pulsing through my veins and searing itself into my brain and oft recalled, inspected, and referenced.

I hold these terrors close, though I can’t quite explain why. The scariest scenes I’ve read are still with me, right where I want them. Call it a reverence for authors who can inspire such insidious disquiet, or maybe just masochism.

Whatever the case may be, I will always seek out a genuinely heinous, fucked-up book that will wrench open a door inside my mind that previously was locked and bolted shut. The books I’m talking about here don’t necessarily fall squarely in the horror genre, but they have motivated enough shock and revulsion in me that I can’t call them anything but horrifying. If you are not someone who can baldly stare at the face of physical and mental brutality, this is probably not the list for you. You’ve been warned.

Less than Zero by Bret Easton Ellis

Before there was Brat Summer, there was Bret Summer– an invention by me where I would read as many Bret Easton Ellis books as possible over my summer holidays. Love or hate him, Bret Easton Ellis is one of the greats, often imitated but never duplicated. Less Than Zero is one of the first Ellis books I read and one of my all-time favorite books.

This book is...exceedingly uncomfortable and has some of the most disturbing scenes I've ever read. Not because it's overly graphic (though there is that at times) but more so due to the complete and utter emptiness it leaves you with. Less Than Zero is about a bunch of friends in LA who are home for the summer after their first year of college. These are rich kids who have everything, want for nothing, and are entirely devoid of happiness. They smoke, they fuck, they go to Palm Springs. They party, they fight, they engage in various ghastly and dangerous acts to try to conjure up something, anything, that will allow them to experience a sentiment other than total apathy.

The horror here is twofold. First, the hollowness of these outwardly beautiful young people full of promise is genuinely scary. Second are the scenes where lines are crossed and stomach-turning events ensue, like one character having to watch a friend engage in prostitution, and another scene where a violent home movie is passed around. Deeply upsetting; why am I recommending this again?

Tender is the Flesh by Agustina Bazterrica

This one is a bit more current and has circulated a bit in the past few years, so maybe you’ve heard of it. Translated from Spanish, Agustina Bazterrica’s Tender is the Flesh is a grim portrayal of the dissociative nature of humans and our uncanny, if severe, ability to draw boundaries between the in-group and the out-group.

Bazterrica imagines a future where a virus has infected animals and made them unfit for consumption. As a result, society has shifted– or perhaps descended– to a place where humans are bred and raised like livestock, ultimately to be consumed by other humans for their meat.

In this vicious little novel, body horror, psychological horror, and dystopia enmesh to imagine a gruesome outcome for society. This book is short, and thank god for that; if it were longer, it would lose its potency and come across as trying for shock value rather than a gripping social commentary. Like a train wreck you can’t look away from, this book frequently comes to mind when I recall the most captivating and deranged books I've read.

Mygale by Thierry Jonquet

You all are not even ready for this one. This is a French sleeper hit that I’m convinced the only person who has read is me, so really, what I’m saying is, remember to refer to this newsletter when you’re gushing to all your friends about this banger. I don’t even know how I found out about this book, but I had to search a few sites to find a copy. The good news is now you can get one here.

This book is true, unadulterated nightmare shit. Deeply disturbing, shockingly vile, unequivocally evil, remarkably intelligent. It really has it all– kidnapping, psychological warfare, revenge, a wealthy plastic surgeon, a gorgeous wife whom he lauds in public and tortures in private. It sounds absurd, but this tightly controlled novella WORKS, I promise you. I’m not going to say too much about the plot, as I recommend going in knowing relatively little about this book- it will make it all the more worth it.

If you want a wild ride that will haunt you until the day you die, this is a remarkable, disgusting little read. The more I ruminate on this novella, the more I regard its brilliance. If you read this, PLEASE tell me every thought you have.

Rent Boy by Gary Indiana

First of all, how good is that cover? This is the book that got me hooked on my dude Gary Indiana. I found this book via McNally Editions, which recently brought it back into publication. Rent Boy is told from the perspective of Danny, a young waiter at the Emerson Club in New York City, the place to be on any given night.

Danny waits tables and works as an escort as he puts himself through school, and this book details his forays into the Emerson club's seedy clientele and his escort services. Through work, Danny meets another escort named Chip and gets pulled into his orbit, joining him on a get-rich-quick scheme that involves some seriously twisted characters. The scheme turns out to be more than Danny bargained for, but the only way out is through, and going through may cost him his life.

This book is funny, disgusting, and sharp; it will grip you with its gristly paws and rattle you to your core. Real Gary heads rise up (

James H.

)

The Faces by Tove Ditlevsen

Tove Ditlevsen is a genius. This is a slender novella about a woman’s descent into madness. The main character, Lise, becomes increasingly anxious and erratic, thinking her husband and housekeeper are conspiring against her. Her fears build, and she can no longer hide her inner torment, and she is admitted to a mental hospital.

In the hospital, Lise is plagued by voices and visions, and it becomes impossible for Lise and the reader to tell what is real and what is imagined. What I found so unnerving about this book is Lise’s confinement, both physical and mental, and the ever-present sentiment that she could be the sane one and every one of her fears could easily be reality. Is she out of her mind or being gas-lit into an asylum? Ditlevsen walks the razor’s edge between madness and sanity in the way that only she can.

The horror of this book is that Lise’s situation appears to be entirely plausible, as though it could happen to a woman today– it could happen to you, even. I loved this book though it made me desperately sad, which I guess is what Ditlevsen is good at. And while we’re here, if you haven’t read The Copenhagen Trilogy, you’re missing out.

The Sluts by Denis Cooper

This book is the worst of the bunch, and by worst, I mean it’s the most appalling by a long shot. I can’t even say I really liked this book, but it was so dark, gory, and unhinged that I can’t forget it. I want to read more of Denis Cooper’s work, but I honestly don’t know if I can handle it. The structure is clever and unique. The content is objectively harrowing and vile. I laughed at times, it also turned my stomach and made me retch. Is it good? Well...no? It’s horrific and depraved. I couldn’t put it down.

The book is written in posts from internet chatrooms and centers around an escort named Brad. Is Brad real? Does he even exist? Has he been murdered? The online rumor mill churns away as the posts about Brad build upon one another, each post more outlandish and shocking than the next.

What I did enjoy about this book is that it forces the reader to consider the batshit insanity that is the internet and the (un)reliability of the information we glean from it. Who can be trusted? How do we parse the truth from its unending frenzy of content? This book is entirely its own. Read at your own risk, but if you do, try to keep an open mind... and good luck.

Fever Dream by Samanta Schweblin

The foreboding award goes to Samanta Schweblin. The title is exactly what this book describes: a woman lies dying in the hospital, talking with a boy who is not her son. Everything she’s experiencing is semi-surreal, quickened, and insistent, drifting between reality and the delirium of someone about to die.

As we follow her through an unsettling reflection, we learn of her and her daughter being affected by a poison in the water while on vacation in the countryside. But is any of it real? Fever Dream feels like waking up breathless in a cold sweat from a vivid, terrible dream that has already slipped through your fingers. What were you so scared of, again? You don’t know, but you can feel it in the slick of your palms and the pressure in your chest.

The book obfuscates the plot a bit, so don’t count on clarity. But you can count on sweaty palms, building dread, and feeling sick as Schweblin deftly unspools this jarring tale. It’s one of the few books I’ve read that so specifically inflicts a visceral reaction.

That’s all I got, and trust me, it’s probably more than you can handle. Read any of these? Want to read any of these? Let me know what you think in the comments!

Books of the moment:

✨Heads up fam! I’m using my Bookshop affiliate link for all titles recommended in this newsletter. If you buy them through these links, I earn a commission.✨

📖 Currently reading: The Garden Against Time by Olivia Laing (TBD on whether I’ll finish it 🥴)

📚Recently finished: Ubik by Philip K. Dick– this was a strange and fun scifi, I enjoyed it quite a bit

👉🏼You should read: Silver Bells by Kate Catinella, creator of Free Dating Advice Philly and one of my fellow book club members!

💌 Email me book recs and other literary thoughts at emilygatesjohnson@gmail.com

🛍 Shop all Point of Departure recs (and more!) from my digital bookstore here.

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